Open Letter to Britney Spears

Dear, you have enough money... go buy some nice underwear. You can afford it. Get something pretty. Even if it's flesh colored, wear something under your skirt. A thong, or even a G-string, would be better than nothing.

We do not need to see your crotch. We do not want to see your crotch. Please cover it.

If you insist on going panty-less, wear longer skirts so you can get in and out of a car or walk down stairs with some grace. Act like a lady.

And honey, you're a mom now. It's time to start acting like a grownup. Start showing you have some healthy self-esteem and that you have some self-restraint. You're not a rebellious two-year old who can run around naked or without her pants.

If you'd like some coaching on how to command personal respect, I'd be happy to fly out and spend an entire month working with you exclusively. (We can discuss my fee privately.) Just as Madonna reinvents herself, I will help you reinvent yourself to get what you really want for yourself and your precious boys.

Your concerned friend,

"Aunt" Andrea