How one couple sabotaged their purchase of a home.
By Andrea Reynolds.
Don't
be as short-sighted when someone wants to be your
benefactor.
This is an excerpt from Andrea
Reynolds' future book on being open to kindness and
generosity. This is a true story.
I've changed the names for my own protection.
Introduction
I'm
a kind person and that doesn't sit well with some people.
I've learned that most people are suspicious of kindness
and generosity. I come from a generous family and have
great models to emulate. Kind people show up in my life
every day. Yet, for the past 10 years, every time I do
something out of the kindness of my heart in my own
community I am treated with derision, contempt and
hostility. Don't take this as a complaint from me, but
rather, a lesson to make you aware of how you might react
or respond if someone wants to be your benefactor. Be open
to possibilities, be willing to accept someone's kindness
and generosity. And maybe someday you yourself can be
someone's benefactor.
The
Neighbors
I used to own a mobile home in Girard, Pennsylvania. It's
the one in the photo at the top of this page. I paid
$25,000 cash for it after the owner had some difficulty
getting the title cleared. It was worth less than that, but
I gave the owner additional money because I lived in the
home for two months while he paid the lot rent. I didn't
have to give him more – it wasn’t in our agreement - but I
did because I don't take advantage of people. My father
always taught me to give more than is expected.
Sadly, I learned quickly that my
neighbors didn't like me. They did everything to show me
their contempt and hatred of me. Understand that I lived
alone, owned a paid-for (8 year old) home, owned a paid-for
(8 year old) car, didn't depend on a husband to support me,
didn't work at a minimum wage job, did all my own yard work
and snow shoveling, was university educated, and worked at
home, supporting myself as a writer. I had lost everything
I owned because I helped police put a criminal in jail and
had to find a place to hide to stay safe. But I was an
ideal neighbor: quiet, considerate of others, helpful, and
asked only for the same from my neighbors. I didn't fit the
resident "profile" of the community I lived in.
When I watched in horror as my 25 year old next-door
neighbor and his three pals drove their 3 cars in reverse
at 60 miles per hour into the cul-de-sac while toddlers
played in the street, I had to do something. The last thing
I wanted was to see an innocent child lose his life in a
moment of irresponsible behavior from an immature adult. So
I wrote a letter to management. What did management do?
They took away half of my front yard and gave it to the
jerk who puts children's lives in jeopardy. I was punished
for trying to protect the neighborhood children.
As a consequence of my concern for children, all the
neighbors became bullies and I lived with insults,
name-calling, and threats of violence for 4 years. Life
became unbearable and management supported the bullying. I
did everything to try to sell my home, even offering $500
rewards to my neighbors if they brought me a buyer. I held
an essay contest to give away the mobile home. The local
newspaper would not even accept my payment for a classified
ad to promote the contest. I was desperate to get away from
the daily harassment and bullying. I even offered the
mobile home to Habitat for Humanity, but they had
impossible conditions. Not only did they want me to give
them the home, but also a check for $10,000 so they could
buy land to put it on. (If I had $10,000 to buy land I
would have done that for myself to solve my problem.) But I
would have to raise the money myself (and pay income tax on
it) and HFH forbid me from saying my fundraising was for
Habitat for Humanity. Can you see my mounting frustration?
Finally Jake, an older man who had once
lived in the home behind mine, offered me $15,000 for the
home, but he wintered in Florida and didn't want to buy it
for another 7 months. Meanwhile a 25 year old woman, let's
call her Joan, who was 6 months pregnant wanted to buy my
home and offered me $19,000. She had inherited $5,000 from
her grandmother and I decided in my mind that if she
couldn't get financing for the home I'd give it to her,
fully furnished, for the $5,000. The glitch was her
boyfriend, let's call him Lorne, who I could tell was toxic
for her. I wanted to give this soon-to-be mother a good
start for her child and her so I gave her as a gift 2
copies of my booklet, No Surprises: 365 Critical Questions You
Need to Ask Each Other Before You
Marry, hoping
she would discover on her own that Lorne was not a good
match for her. (Lorne was an uneducated, unemployed
bully who criticized my personal items in the home,
while Joan was educated and held a professional job with
a good income.) She gave me a $1,000 deposit and signed
a Purchase Agreement that was conditional on her getting
financing, then she handed over all decision-making to
Lorne. Or, so he told me.
Sabotage
Joan's brother came to see my home because he was going to
be her co-signer. The transaction could not fail. Or so I
thought.
The closing date passed without any contact from either
Lorne or Joan. I cashed the check as they were in default
of the agreement, but I held on to the money. I talked to
the bank manager where I sent them to arrange financing.
Lorne, it turns out, used only his own poor credit history
and lack of employment and savings on the loan application,
completely "forgetting" not only Joan's good credit and
employment history, but also her brother, their co-signer.
In other words he deliberately sabotaged the transaction.
Then, instead of renegotiating a better price for the home
or even advising me they didn't want the home before the
closing date, they refused to speak to me and sued me for
their deposit.
Lorne's claim was that he couldn't afford the price. But
the home was going to be Joan's, not his (he had no plan to
marry her, and she confided in me that she didn't intend
for him to live in the home with her), and she offered the
price, not I. She could have offered me $5,000, but didn't.
The judge awarded them the $1,000 plus court costs, which I
paid, and I even added a little extra money for Joan. Then
Lorne sued me again for more money and I told Joan how
suing me worked against their best interests and that they
should stop the lawsuits.
Joan could have had a lovely first home,
completely paid for, completely furnished with appliances,
linens, dishes, etc. for herself and her baby for the
$5,000 she had in the bank. Her only expenses were the $200
monthly lot rent, $600 combined annual property taxes and
her own utilities which would have allowed her to save a
considerable amount of her income for her baby's future.
She could have rented out the second bedroom and bath for
extra income. And if, after a few months, she decided she
didn't want the home, I would have already introduced her
to Jake. Jon could have sold it to Jake when he returned in
4-5 months and not only recovered her original purchase
price, but made an additional $10,000 cash profit.
But... too young to recognize kindness, she allowed Lorne
to sue me, thus depriving herself of a gift that would have
delighted me to give her. And I was deprived of having Joan
as a friend and getting to know her little baby. So much
for generosity and kindness.
The
Lessons
1. Don't let the Lornes in this world handle your business
affairs. If they don’t have your best interests at heart
you may lose out on someone's generosity.
2. Don't be so quick to mistrust and punish when it's not
so difficult and far more beneficial to communicate openly.
Slamming the door on your benefactor isn’t acting in your
own best interests. Being open, curious and asking
questions IS in your best interest.
3. Don't let the Closing Date pass without communicating.
If you decide you don't want the home after all, say so in
writing - even email is acceptable - to be received before
the Day of Closing.
4. Suing people and the court cases that follow are a
mean-spirited way to do business. You cost people money and
destroy good will and perhaps even destroy someone's good
name and untarnished reputation while you may be the one
who dropped the ball.
5. If you can't get financing from your bank, tell the
seller. The seller may be able to offer you 3 or 4 more
viable options - as I was - like reducing the price,
offering owner financing, renting until you gather enough
for a healthier down payment, or finding private financing.
6. If this isn't the best time for you to buy and you're
under a lot of stress, it's OK to stop the transaction
before it goes through. There's no shame in not being
ready, and it's kinder to the sellers who can get on with
the task of finding a new buyer. Why prolong the
inevitable?
PS On April 5, the day after my cat
Dickens died, I sold the home to Jake for $13,000. The
price included 24 sections of 6-foot tall privacy fence, a
1.5 storey heated playhouse/shed (it alone is worth
$5,000), lawnmower, all my yard tools, queen size bed and
linens, central air conditioning, water conditioner,
fridge, stove, dishwasher, Jacuzzi, heat tapes, dishes,
cabinets, top loading/energy efficient washer and electric
dryer. I left the community on April 30 and haven’t been
back or looked back.
Resources
1. Purchase Agreement templates
to help you
negotiate a fair deal and document your transaction.
2. Finance tips to help you finance the home you want.
3. Buying tips to help you make a wise home buying
decision.
4. Carefully choosing a partner
with whom to buy a home.
Andrea
Reynolds is an independent, professional writer who gives
how-to advice on income, relationships and kindness. She
runs CrisisBrainstorm.com
© Copyright Andrea Reynolds. All
rights reserved.
